


Midnight Shift: Party On Chuck E. Cheese

by 4Mortea



Series: Midnight Shift: Resentment and Fries [3]
Category: Twilight Series - All Media Types, Twilight Series - Stephenie Meyer
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Crack, Edward Cullen/Bella Swan (mentioned) - Freeform, Facetime, Fast Food, Gen, Jacob and Renesmee have a purely platonic relationship, POV First Person, Post-Breaking Dawn, Post-Canon, Rats, Renesmee works at Burger King, Resentful Renesmee, yup still too many kevins
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-17
Updated: 2021-01-17
Packaged: 2021-03-15 09:07:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,757
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28810875
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/4Mortea/pseuds/4Mortea
Summary: The kitchen was a mess, Straight Kevin was scrambling on top of the counters and Gay Kevin was waving the broom. I made sure to point my phone in a way so that Jake could see the chaos.“Don’t just stand there!” Gay Kevin yelled, his voice a few octaves higher than usual.“I’m still on a break though”They're having a ratatouille at Burger King.
Series: Midnight Shift: Resentment and Fries [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2107725
Kudos: 21





	Midnight Shift: Party On Chuck E. Cheese

**Author's Note:**

> No idea why these are getting longer.
> 
> Anyway, I meant to post this on Jacob's actual birthday but I got writer's block <3

The sunset gave the – for lack of a better word – restaurant an ethereal glow. The sticky layer that covered the tables shimmered and the soda puddles on the tiles reflected the pissiest of yellows as the sun rays hit at the perfect angle. The quiet hum of the appliances and the sizzling of hot oil complimented the soft rock that played from the ancient speakers.

This was as peaceful a moment could get here.

I took out my iPhone and ignored the combined 37 messages from Bedward – it was worth noting, only two of them were from my mother. Instead, I took a picture of one of the puddles for my Insta-story and then scrolled through my contacts; there was a birthday boy that needed to accept my face time request. I waited patiently as the phone rang.

In the meanwhile, I dipped two of my French toast sticks into the sweet golden syrup and shoved them in my mouth. Chewing thoughtfully, I watched as Gay Kevin swept the floor and Straight Kevin wiped down the counters. Jeremiah had been gone all week; a friend of his had roped him into offering ice fishing lessons across town.

“Hey, Nessie,” the warmth in his voice made me smile, as did the tiny messy braids in his long dark hair.

“Happy birthday, Jake!” His eyes twinkled when he mirrored my smile. He looked older, which I knew logically was a thing that happened – people grew older as time passed, _duh_. I knew that, but I rarely knew anyone long enough to see any meaningful results from aging.

“Here I thought you had forgotten. Nice hair by the way – distressingly orange,” I scoffed but he had a point. It _was_ excessively orange, almost violently so. When Alice saw it on me for the first time, she told me she wished she were physically capable of crying.

“Nah, I’m too pretty to forget anything. I was on my shift and couldn’t call earlier”

“Shift? Wait a second, is that…Burger King?” There was more than a hint of incredulousness in his tone.

“Yup. Dropped out and got a job here” he laughed so hard that both Kevins stopped their cleaning and stared at me. I waved them off. Straight Kevin went back to work, but I could tell Gay Kevin was trying to eavesdrop.

“You’re kidding. This is a prank”

“Nope. Dead serious,” I smirked and ate more of my French toast sticks.

“There is no way Edward ‘chronic boundary stomper’ Cullen would let that happen”

“Hey, Kevin?” When both responded, I amended, “Assistant Manager Kevin”

He approached my table and tried to appear aloof, but I could tell he was invested. Despite how hard he tried to project a strictly professional persona; the man was a still a journalism major living in a town with a population of about three thousand. He was starved for _anything_ that could be interpreted as remotely interesting – nearly had an aneurism when he found out he missed the incest baby scandal.

“Could you confirm that I work at this Burger King?” Jake looked amused and I assumed he waited to see how this would play out.

“If by work you mean eat a ridiculous amount of our inventory and consistently insult our few customers, then yes. You work here,” it was blatantly obvious how much he wanted to figure out the story.

“And I’ll be glad to return to my duties once my break is done in 15 minutes”

“Ten, but nice try”

We waited in silence until Gay Kevin took the hint and walked away from my table. He was still within hearing range, which he knew that I knew, but it was the thought that counted. Living with mind reader – and owning a smartphone – meant acknowledging there was no such thing as privacy, simply the illusion of it.

“I can’t say I fully believe this,” I simply shrugged. “But the mental images of how your parasitic relatives are dealing with this, makes me not care about silly things like the truth”

I grimaced. The damn family meeting that was called because of this had been a fucking nightmare. There had been so much yelling, and I had to promise Alice I would let her throw a shitty ‘Congrats on the new job’ party in order to get her on my side. In the end, Esme was the deciding vote, and I was sure she voted in my favour only because she wanted to feed my new coworkers.

“Enough about the leeches. How are you?” I used my French toast to gesture vaguely at the braids “Is sweet Sarah around?”

“Just put her down for a nap, she was getting cranky,” I pouted. Not only was Sarah the cutest kid ever, she also said the most insane things – once she talked to me for over 45 minutes about how you shouldn’t feed rocks dry grass because it makes the moon princess very mad, and that’s bad because then the moon princess has to bury you in sugar dirt.

I still didn’t know if I should be worried about the sugar dirt.

“Tell her aunt Nessie says hi,” he rolled his eyes.

An idea suddenly hit me.

“Hey! Let me give you a tour of the place. You’ll _love_ it,” Gay Kevin snorted a bit too loudly for someone pretending not to listen.

“You sure?” I nodded eagerly and shoved the remaining toast into my mouth, drinking up the syrup to wash it down. Definitely ignored the looks of disgust being thrown my way.

“Ok, so this is where our customers, if we had any, would sit. And that table over there –” I pointed to the table near the heater “– is where Jeremiah sets up camp. He’s not here today though,” I hoped he was ok, it had been a cold week for humans. 

Jake listened as I showed him all over the establishment, making sure not to miss the weirdest and grossest parts.

“Ok, but why do the stalls have no doors?” it was a common question.

“We were tired of teenagers hooking up in there –”

“In there!?!” I shrugged. While gross, it was far from the grossest or most unhygienic thing that happened in there. I could still remember how shell-shocked Straight Kevin looked while he recounted the tale of the Red Tuesday.

“So, we decided to take them down for a bit”

“How haven’t you gotten shut down”

“I’m pretty sure there is this whole conspiracy going on with health inspectors and the franchise owner”

Almost as if on cue, a giant fucking rat sped past me and into the kitchen.

“Holy F –” Straight Kevin’s screech cut me off, and the sounds of things being thrown could be heard.

“Jake, you just missed like the biggest rat I’ve ever seen”

“Seriously, how are you _not_ shut down”

“Let me see if we can catch it. _God_ , I wish I could livestream it right now”

The kitchen was a mess, Straight Kevin was scrambling on top of the counters and Gay Kevin was waving the broom in the general direction of the rat. I made sure to point my phone in a way so that Jake could see the chaos.

“Don’t just stand there!” Gay Kevin yelled, his voice a few octaves higher than usual.

“I’m still on a break though,” Gay Kevin spluttered while Straight Kevin threw whatever was available to him at the rat – in this case, it was napkins.

“Ugh fine, I’ll help with the little rat” I groaned and propped up my phone on the deep fryer ledge. No way I was going to deprive Jake of this.

I tried looking for something to catch the rat with and then spotted our big carry out bags, they looked like they could fit the fat rodent. I went to reach for one, but ended up knocking down a big tower of cups. Straight Kevin and I had made it while waiting for customers to arrive for the non-existent rush hour.

“Dude! That’s not a normal rat. It’s frigging huge,” Straight Kevin squeaked and continued his assault, now having moved on to cups.

“Calm down Kevin, stop wasting our resources!”

One Kevin glared a the other, and soon the Kevins got into an argument about what was the appropriate response for dealing with a rat of this size. I ignored them and grabbed a patty and threw it into a carry out bag, I approached the rat’s hiding place and presented my offering. I knelt down to wait and I could see its beady little eyes staring back at me.

“I don’t want to interrupt, but I think there is another rat by the back door”

All three of us Burger King employees turned to look at Jake. He tried to point to where he meant, and all three of us looked back.

Indeed, almost as if it knew we were watching, the rat stopped mid-step and stared back.

“Fuck! Me!” Gay Kevin moaned. As assistant manager, this was definitely a him problem. His outburst seemed to snap the rat out of its trance, and it scurried somewhere deeper into the kitchen.

“I want to go home!” Straight Kevin cried; he was not having a very punk rock time right now.

I looked back at phone!Jake and he looked deeply concerned.

Me? Well, I sort of wanted to take a picture of the rat and send it to the Cullen group chat. I could tell them I was bringing home a snack.

“Nessie, Watch out!” Jake’s voice made me aware of my surroundings again. Out of the corner of my eye I saw a blur and quickly snapped my head to the side. It was yet another rat – one that was jumping directly at my face. My eyes widened and I swatted at the rodent…maybe a little too hard because it went flying across the kitchen. It hit the fryer ledge with a crack and I gasped.

Thankfully, the rodent didn’t fall into the hot oil, though I don’t think it survived the trip. Un-thankfully, my phone did fall into the hot oil and I was certain it didn’t survive the swim.

_Fucking Fuck._ Now, _I_ wasn’t having a good time.

And this is how None of Your Fucking Business Kevin found us; A 22-year-old crying on a counter and praying, an assistant manager desperately flipping through the phone book trying to find an exterminator, and a high school drop out fishing a phone from an industrial fryer.

**Author's Note:**

> For more...whatever this is... check out my side blog [leechonspeeddial ](https://leechonspeeddial.tumblr.com/)


End file.
